clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
