I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
