There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
