did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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