Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
