New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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