I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
