I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
