I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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