Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
