Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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