____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
