Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
