I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
