He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
