u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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