you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
