she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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