its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
