At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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