THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My penis needs a shock collar
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
