I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
