would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
