I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
