remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
