fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
