Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
