i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
