This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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