no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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