Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
