if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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