we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
