I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
