I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh god it's open bar.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
