I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
