I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
