Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
