I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
