Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
