FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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