Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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