i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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