OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
