Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
