i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need moral support for this bender
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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