Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
