I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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