it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
