Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
