I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
