...so i touched it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
