The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're a waste of cheezeits
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
