that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
