I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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