I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
