Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize