whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize