it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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