smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
