Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
