I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
