it was like his penis was on wheels.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
