i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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