he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
