I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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