I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
