she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
