i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
