I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
