But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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