The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
