The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
