Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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