my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
