Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
