wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
