then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
