So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Never underestimate the power of titties
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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