If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
